Subspace
toobusy2write
NC-17 Angel/Spike, Spike/others
Days after Spike turns eighteen, he gets sucked into a whole new world by a mysterious man, but is it one he's ready for?
Warnings for: 18yo Spike in a BDSM relationship with an older man
beta'd by thatotherperv
See Disclaimer of Ownership here
Five years later...
"So then Jesse says, 'Sir, I was just checking Sergeant Harris for contraband,' since, you know, it was a training exercise and I was supposed to be the enemy," Xander said, grinning.
Lindsey and Spike sat on the couch opposite the chair Xander was sitting in and laughed. They were in Spike's Manhattan hotel room catching up on the past year of their lives. The last time they'd all been together had been at Spike's flat in England. They'd flown in as a surprise set up by his dad for his twenty-third birthday and stayed for a week.
This was the first time Spike had been back to Manhattan since leaving five years ago, having transferred to Cambridge after his year abroad was up.
Spike took a drink of JD and said, "You're fucking with us."
Grin firmly in place, Xander shook his head. "I’m really not. I don't know who was more shocked when that door to the supply closet opened and the lieutenant found us. And no, the irony of getting caught with my pants down and a dick up my ass in a closet is not lost on me."
Spike snickered and Lindsey shook his head, grinning. "Man, I just never saw it coming. Didn't get the idea you swung that way at all." Turning to Spike, Lindsey asked, "You?"
Spike studied Xander, considering. "No, not really."
Xander shrugged. "I didn't know either. It's just…well, you've heard the whole 'sexuality is fluid' argument, right?"
Spike arched a pierced eyebrow. "I have; didn't know you had."
Xander smiled. "I had a long talk over some really good pot about it one night with Oz after I was discharged -- honorably as you know, because it turned out Jesse had something on the lieutenant that was bad enough to keep him from reporting us. Anyway, Oz explained the whole fluidity thing to me, and it made a lot of sense. I mean mainly, I like curves and breasts and everything that goes with them. But Jesse…there's just this connection there. Like…we've known each other all our lives, even though we only met a couple of years ago. I love him. The fact that he's a guy…doesn't really enter into it. Well, beyond what goes where."
Spike smiled, genuinely happy for Xander. "Glad you're happy, then. Seems like a nice bloke. Not hard on the eyes, either," Spike said with a teasing leer.
They'd met Jesse earlier in the evening, when they got together with Oz and Willow and Faith, Lindsey's main squeeze for the past four years, although both of them refused to call it a relationship. Apparently, although Faith and Xander had hooked up more than once before Xander went off to boot camp, they hadn't continued past that, neither wanting to be tied down at the time.
"How about you, Spike. Are you…. Is it hard? Being back here?" Xander asked.
Spike felt his stomach tighten at the subject Xander was tiptoeing around. A few days after the breakup with Angel, Spike had blurted everything out to Xander when he'd asked him what was wrong. Xander had been supportive and surprisingly hadn't been all that weirded out by it.
Angel. Spike still felt a pain in his chest whenever he allowed himself to think about him. He tried not to as much as possible, but being back in Manhattan with Xander and Lindsey was bringing a lot of his long buried feelings for Angel to the surface. It had been five years since he'd seen him. Five years since he'd left him at that condo after accusing him of being a coward, even though he knew better. Five years since he'd written him a sappy letter pouring his heart out to him and hoping Angel understood why he'd said what he said in that condo and didn't let it color the memories they'd made together that summer after his graduation.
When Spike had left for uni, he'd had every intention of looking Angel up the next summer when he came back, but then his father had moved to England. Turned out his dad missed England just as much as he had and decided Spike living there was the perfect excuse to move back. Spike had applied to Cambridge as a result and actually got in, something that was extremely hard to do for a foreigner, although he figured the fact that he'd been born and raised in England until the age of twelve had helped pave the way for his acceptance. That and his 4.0 grade point average his first year at uni.
The education he'd got over the three years at Cambridge had been…amazing. He'd learned so much about literature and writing, honing his skills until he'd got to the point where he wrote a suspense novel during his junior year. It had been published both in England and the 'States -- and eventually several other countries -- about a third of the way into his senior year, and it had exploded. Spike had just hoped it'd sell enough for him to live off of, so that he could continue writing. He hadn't expected it to make the best seller's list. There was even some interest in making it a movie, which had left him completely gobsmacked when Lorne, his agent, had called to tell him.
Spike had discovered his love of writing when he'd got an online blog during his freshman year abroad, intending on just using it for personal purposes, a way to deal with his feelings about the breakup with Angel and how much he missed him, and how much he missed being his sub. After a month or two of wallowing in his misery, though, he'd found himself making up stories and posting them, and the response he'd got from other bloggers had been more than encouraging.
That was when he'd set his sights on Cambridge. True, NYU was known for their creative writing program, but he'd come to the realization over the course of the year that he needed more than a year to find himself, to become who he was going to become. It also hadn't helped that there was a voice in the back of his head telling him Angel was probably on to the next sub by then and Spike was just a distant memory. So…he'd stayed away.
Now he'd just released his second book -- also suspense and the second of the series he'd started with his first book -- and it was showing promise of being just as successful, if not more so, than his first book. Hence the trip to Manhattan. Lorne had insisted he needed to do a book tour with this one, visit some major book stores and sign autographs, maybe do some question and answer sessions.
Spike had been skeptical, but in the end he'd let Lorne twist his arm and he was glad he had. He'd got to meet a lot of fans over the past few weeks bouncing around the 'States, and he loved hearing firsthand how much his words and his stories had affected people, especially since he'd made the protagonist of the series bisexual. He'd been afraid when he sent out his first manuscript that that fact would be what kept him from getting published, but at the same time he couldn't stomach the thought of selling out just to sell the book, so he'd gone for it. And had got rejection letter after rejection letter because of it….until he hadn't. And the public, it seemed, had been more than ready for it. They had eaten it up.
A hand waving in front of his face brought Spike back to himself and he blinked, glancing over at Lindsey, the owner of said hand. "Sorry, drifted a mo' there."
Lindsey smiled. "We could see that. Thinking about him?"
Spike straightened and set down his tumbler, pouring more JD into it. He picked it back up and took another drink. "Thinking about who?"
Lindsey and Xander both shot him sidelong looks and Spike sighed, slouching back against the cushions again. "Not that it matters, but yeah. Being back here in Manhattan just…brought up some old memories. Not a big deal."
Lindsey cleared his throat and said quietly, "I happen to have it on good authority that he's single right now…and didn't you say you were, too?"
Spike tensed and glanced at Lindsey. About a year and a half after Spike had gone off to uni, Lindsey had written him a long email, apologizing for being such a prat when he'd found out about him and Angel, and even more because of how he'd reacted to the type of relationship they'd had. Turned out Faith got off on a bit of Domme/sub, and Lindsey, curious mainly because he wanted to understand Spike better, had agreed to give it a go. They didn't have anywhere near the intensity of the relationship Spike and Angel had had D/s-wise, but they did play around with it a bit, and Lindsey had eventually come to a point where he understood where Spike was coming from with all of it, from being turned on by being ordered around, to getting turned on by a bit of pain, even.
Ever since that realization, he'd dropped hints every now and again about Angel. What he was doing, who he was seeing…or not seeing when the occasional article would hit the tabloids. And he always made a point to mention it when Angel was single and Spike was too.
"Been over this, Linds," Spike said, voice firm. "We're two different people now. Least, I am. I've no intention of looking him up and finding out that what we had between us back then is just…gone. Would rather just keep the memories as they are, ta ever so."
Lindsey shrugged and took drink from his tumbler. "Just sayin', I think the two of you are being idiots. It's obvious you still give a damn about him, and from what I've seen of how he perks up and drops whatever he's doing to listen when I give him news about you, he obviously still gives a damn too. Did you know he's bought both your books? He read the first one so many times he wore out the binding and he had to get another."
Spike smiled, a warm thrill curling through him at that bit of information. "He did?"
Lindsey rolled his eyes. "Yes, he did."
Spike wavered, but fear of rejection kept him from changing his mind. "Still--"
"Still nothing," Lindsey interrupted. He finished off his drink and stood, Xander following suit since they were sharing a cab home, neither having brought their cars, knowing they probably wouldn't be leaving completely sober. Looking down at Spike, Lindsey continued, "Just think about it, alright? I've gotta go. Faith's waiting and she's not all that patient, but I'll stop by tomorrow. You're in town for the whole week, right?"
Spike nodded, standing too. "Yeah. This was the last stop on the tour, so things are pretty much open ended. Need to be back in England near the middle of next week for a mate's wedding, but I'm open until then."
Xander leaned over and pulled Spike into a hug. "Then plan to be descended upon by all your friends until then, because we all miss you."
Spike hugged Xander back, closing his eyes, thankful as always that Xander had made it through the service alive and intact. "Miss you too, Xan."
"Hey! What about me?" Lindsey asked, voice full of mock indignity.
Spike snorted. "Miss you too, wanker. Get over here."
Lindsey made a show of looking put out, but the grin on his face said it all as they wrapped their arms around each other for a group hug. And just like he had all those years ago when they'd hugged a couple of months before Xander had gone off to the service, Lindsey asked, "Can we all reattach our balls now and pretend we're men again, please?"
Spike laughed, nostalgic for the old days, just a little.
Xander elbowed Lindsey in the side. "Hey, you're the one who wanted in on our girly hug, so stuff it."
After they had said their goodbyes and left for the night, Spike poured himself another drink and wandered out to the terrace of his posh hotel suite. Lorne had gone all out for the Manhattan date. Throughout the rest of the country, Spike had been put up in decent hotels, but nothing to write home about. This one, though, this one had made Spike do a double-take and then call Lorne to find out if there'd been a mixup. Lorne had informed him that no, there hadn't been. New York was the publishing capital of the world and it wouldn't do for him to look middle of the road there, so Lorne had done it up big. Spike even had a driver while he was in town.
Sinking down into an overstuffed chair on the terrace, Spike pulled his fags and lighter from his pocket -- a bad habit he'd picked up his sophomore year at uni -- and lit up, inhaling deeply before expelling the air, body relaxing as it got its nicotine fix. He stared out at the night sky, marveling at all the buildings and lights, remembering Angel wanking him as he described staring out at the same thing the night he'd given his first blowjob to a bloke.
As always when he was alone and memories of Angel popped up on him unexpectedly, Spike felt himself start to harden. He closed his eyes and groaned, setting his drink down and letting his hand wander down to his jeans. He rubbed himself absently through the coarse material, spreading his legs a bit and undulating his hips as his erection firmed up under his palm. He almost never let himself wank off to thoughts of Angel because every time he did, he had to deal with the emotional fallout afterwards of not having him anymore. But tonight…with all the talk of him and the memories surrounding him, not to mention knowing that somewhere out there among all the thousands of lights was Angel himself, Spike couldn't help himself.
Distractedly, he set his still burning cigarette in the ashtray, then opened his jeans and pulled himself out. Deciding on a slow, torturous wank, he slouched down, legs spread wide, and stroked his fingers through the short hairs just above his cock.
He closed his eyes as the memory of the first time he'd blown Angel flooded his head. He'd been so fucking nervous, but so eager too. Sucking Angel had been…a revelation. It had just felt right. At the time he'd thought it was sucking cock in general that felt right, but now he knew. It had been sucking Angel's cock that felt so right.
Spike licked his lips and slid his hand lower, avoiding his dick for now. Cupping his balls, Spike rolled them in his hand, remembering the handjob Angel had given him after. Remembering how he'd teased him mercilessly, hand stroking everywhere but Spike's erection for the longest time before he finally took him in hand.
Spike gasped and thrust up into his hand as he took hold of himself finally, imagining it was Angel's hand on him, Angel stroking him, Angel thumbing the tip as precome leaked out. Spike kept his eyes closed, pretending a blindfold was covering them like one had that day. He dug his other hand into his thigh, just like he had then, and thrust up into his hand, so close to coming he could taste it. He moaned and bucked until he could almost swear he felt Angel's hot breath on the side of his neck, and then he came, catching it in his other hand as he cried out in pleasure. After, he relaxed back into the chair and licked the hand he'd caught his come in, eyes still closed, still lost in the memory of that day and Angel having him do that same thing then, but off of Angel's hand.
Eventually, he opened his eyes and a wave of melancholy washed over him when he found himself alone like always after one of his trips down memory lane. Taking a deep breath, he tucked himself away, then reached into his pocket and pulled out another fag, his other one long since having burned itself out. He stood as he lit it and crossed to the rail, leaning his elbows on it as he stared out at the New York skyline in the dark.
He was halfway through the cigarette when an arm snaked around him from behind and he was pulled back against a large body, a voice in his ear, saying, "Those will kill you, you know."
Spike tensed and prepared to fight off the unknown person, until the familiarity of the voice pushed past his knee-jerk panic and he realized it was…Angel. Turning in his arms, although Angel didn't make it easy, not giving him an inch of room, Spike found himself pressed against him, coming face to face with a very amused looking Angel.
Blinking, Spike wondered momentarily if he was imagining him, or maybe had fallen asleep and was dreaming him there, but no, the smell of him, the feel of him, confirmed that this was very much real.
Licking his lips, Spike asked, "A-Angel? What..... How?"
Uncertainty flickered in Angel's eyes, but he remained in place as he lifted a keycard between two fingers in front of Spike's face and said, "You left this in the book you sent over with Lindsey tonight."
Spike blinked at it, then his eyes narrowed. "That little shit."
Angel tensed and backed up, breaking contact with Spike. Spike shivered at the loss.
"You didn't send me that book or the key card, did you."
It was a statement more than a question, but Spike shook his head anyway, unable to stop staring at the man he'd ached to see, to be with again, for so long. "No, I didn't. The tosser must have picked my pocket when he gave me a hug earlier."
For a split second, Spike saw a sadness in Angel's eyes that cut straight through him, but then Angel covered, reaching over to set the key card on the small table Spike's ashtray was sitting on as he said, "Sorry for intruding. I'll…have a talk with him. It was nice seeing you again. I'll just…let myself out."
He turned to go and Spike stood frozen to the spot for a moment, unable to speak, unable to move. Finally, the knowledge that Angel was about to walk out of his life if he didn't soddin' well do something propelled him into action.
Stubbing the cigarette out in the ashtray, he hurried after Angel and put a hand on his arm when he reached him. "Angel, wait."
Angel stopped, but didn't turn around.
Spike sucked in a sharp breath at the contact, wondering how he could have thought for a minute there wouldn't still be an intense connection between them.
"Look at me. Please," Spike said. Angel turned around and their eyes met. Spike swallowed hard and admitted, "May not have been me that sent the key card and the book, but I wanted to. Lindsey knew that, knew I was being a coward and would regret it later, and obviously took it upon himself to do what I was too scared to do."
Hope flashed in Angel's eyes. "You're sure?"
Spike's eyes fell to Angel's mouth. "More than." After a slight hesitation, he lifted his eyes to Angel's face again and asked, "Did you see the dedication in my first book?"
Angel stared intently into Spike's eyes as he repeated it, verbatim. "To my angel, without whom I may never have discovered my love of writing, and therefore this book might not have come to be. I owe you everything."
"I meant every word," Spike said, willing Angel to understand how much he'd given him by letting him go back then.
Angel reached up and touched Spike's face, cupping his cheek in his hand. "Are you…taken right now?"
Spike slowly shook his head against Angel's hand, then smirked. "And if there was someone, it'd be me doing the taking, not the other way. Turns out I am a switch like you thought, and I lean heavily toward the Dom end of the scale."
Angel's eyes heated as he stared at him. "Is that a fact?"
Spike nodded. "Tried it the other way a few times, subbed first for a bird, then for a bloke, but it never…felt right. Never felt like it did with you. Then I remembered what you'd told me about maybe being a switch, so I tried it out the other way and found I have a knack for it."
"Christ," Angel said. "The thought of watching you control someone…."
He trailed off and Spike lifted a hand, curling it around Angel's, which was still cupping his cheek. "Know I said it in the letter I left you back then, but I want to say it again, face to face. I'm sorry about what I said that day. Didn't mean it and I've regretted that I handled things that way ever since. Needed the time to myself before I flew to England, but I should have found some way to tell you that, instead of lashing out to push you away."
Angel shook his head. "You were young and in over your head--"
Spike opened his mouth to interrupt, but Angel placed his fingers over his lips and Spike fell silent.
Keeping his fingers over Spike's lips, Angel held his gaze and said, "You were, and that was my fault. I knew you were too young for such an intense relationship, but I couldn't help myself. You accused me of stalking you and being obsessed with you, and you were right. I did, and I was. I just lucked out that you wanted me too. I should probably say I wish I'd handled things differently, but honestly, I don't. I wouldn't give up those months we had together for anything, even knowing it was too much for you."
Once he was through, Angel dropped his fingers and Spike said, "For the record, yeah, I was in over my head, but I wouldn't trade those months for anything either, even knowing it had to end for me to get where I am now."
"And where are you now?" Angel asked softly.
Spike looked into Angel's eyes, caught and held by their intensity. "At a place in my life where I'm more than able to handle what I couldn't back then."
Angel sucked in a sharp breath. "Are you…are you sure? You're only twenty-three and your career's just taking off. Maybe this isn't the right time--"
"Right," Spike interrupted. "I'm twenty-three and my career's just taking off. Sound like anyone you know who, oh, I don't know, made a life-long commitment to someone he loved at the same point in his life?"
A sheepish grin graced Angel's lips at the reminder that he'd been Spike's age when he'd taken on Lindsey and his mum. A moment later, though, his expression grew serious as he wrapped a hand around one of Spike's wrists and pulled him toward him until there was only centimeters separating them. The intentionally dominant act made Spike's groin tighten immediately. Bloody hell how he'd missed Angel controlling him.
"I get the point," Angel said, "but the difference there is that I was in a relationship with Lily when I made that decision. You and I haven't seen each other for five years."
Spike made a show of pulling on his wrist, nearly moaning with desire when Angel pointedly didn't let go. Quirking an eyebrow, he asked, "Does it feel like it's been five years to you? Because, have to say, to me it feels like we could pick up where we left off and everything would be right in my world."
Angel sucked in a sharp breath and looked ready to pull Spike against him and lay claim to his mouth, but then his expression changed and he looked…troubled. "There's something else you need to know. I said I was obsessed with you. That's…not entirely accurate," Angel said. Spike waited, heart beating in his ears, for Angel to finish. "I never got over it…over you, Spike. I'm still obsessed with you and I doubt that's ever going to change. Can you handle having me that fixated on you on a long term basis?"
Spike licked his lips and said with conviction, "Wouldn't have it any other way."
Angel stared at him long and hard, and must have seen the truth there because in the next instant, he yanked Spike fully against him by the wrist he was holding and reached up with his free hand, grabbing the hair at the back of Spike's head and forcing his head back. Spike's eyes fluttered shut and he did moan then, an instant before Angel's mouth covered his.
Spike melted into him, having missed his touch, his kiss so much that he couldn't even think straight under the onslaught of sensations. Angel licked insistently at his lips and Spike parted them for him, whimpering as Angel's tongue invaded his mouth, taking control of him through the kiss as much as he had with the hand at the back of his head.
Letting go of Spike's wrist, Angel circled his waist and pulled him more fully against him, letting Spike feel how much he wanted him. Spike pressed his hips to him, letting him feel his answering erection and suddenly Spike found himself walked backwards to the couch and pushed down on it. Dutifully, Spike laid back and lifted his arms over his head, gripping the couch arm just like he used to when Angel had him in this position. Angel braced an arm on the couch, leaning over him, and Spike spread his legs, allowing Angel to kneel between them and lower himself on him.
At the feel of Angel's body pressing him down into the couch, Spike arched and whimpered, his eyes sliding closed. He was embarrassingly close to coming just from a kiss and full body contact in spite of having got off not an hour ago. He had no idea how he'd last once Angel got him naked.
"Christ I missed this," Angel said. "Missed how you feel under me, how damn responsive you are."
Spike licked his lips and opened his eyes, staring up at Angel as he admitted, "Only with you, luv. Bring it out in me, you do. Never felt this way with anyone else."
"Jesus," Angel whispered an instant before taking Spike's mouth in another forceful kiss.
Spike groaned and arched and writhed under Angel as Angel's hands played his body with such familiarity as he undressed him that it was like the last five years apart had never happened. Angel finally got the last of his kit off and Spike watched hungrily as he stood and stripped himself. Angel paused then, naked and erect, cock standing proud from his body as he let his gaze roam possessively over Spike's body. Spike's cock jumped. He swore that in that moment he could feel Angel's gaze like a caress. And then Angel dropped back down on him, covering him once again, their hard cocks sliding next to each other as Angel thrust against him. Angel kissed him hard and fast, then released his mouth and moved on to his neck, kissing and licking and biting at it as they ground against each other.
Feeling the warning tingle of impending orgasm start deep in his balls, Spike said, chest heaving, "N-not going to last, Angel. Fuck. Been too long."
Angel's response was to stop moving completely, pulling his head back to look down into Spike's face. Spike cried out in frustration, having to bite his lip to keep from cursing a blue streak at Angel.
When he finally had his temper under control, Spike asked with as much respect as he could force into his frustrated voice, "W-what…. Why?"
Angel did the unexpected then and smiled. "Learned some control over that mouth of yours. I'm impressed."
Spike snorted. "Just don't want to be punished in the middle of our first time together after five years."
The smile dropped from Angel's face and he nodded. "That's why I stopped. To make sure we're both on the same page with this. Don't want to start it off with a misunderstanding."
Spike took a deep breath, able to appreciate Angel's position better since having Dommed a bit himself. Pulling his hands from the arm rest, Spike reached up and ran one of them through Angel's hair, smiling softly at the way his eyes rolled back in his head and his whole body shuddered at the touch.
Waiting until Angel opened his eyes again, Spike said, "How 'bout this? For now -- tonight I mean -- the same rules are in place that we set up back then. In the morning we can talk it all through, set up new rules if we need them, reset all our soft and hard limits and such."
Angel leaned down and brushed a kiss across his lips, then dropped his forehead to Spike's and said, "You're all grown up, aren't you? You really are ready for this."
Spike cupped Angel's cheek in his hand, urging Angel to lift his head and look down at him. "I really am."
Angel stared at him intently and asked, "Since you mainly Dom…. Do you have any equipment with you?"
Spike sucked in a sharp breath, then let it out and nodded. "Black suitcase by the door. Bellboy dumped it and my other luggage there earlier when I checked in. Haven't had time to take care of any of it."
Pushing up off him, Angel stood and ordered, "In the bedroom, now, and kneel by the bed while you wait for me."
Arousal shooting through him at the order, Spike said, "Yes, Angel," and stood quickly, heading in the direction of the suite's bedroom.
He crossed to the bed and knelt, knees spread a shoulder's width apart, hands clasped behind his back, head lowered in submission and waited for Angel. He could hear him unzip his suitcase and wondered what Angel would think of his equipment. It was true, Spike was single, but any Dom worth their salt carried a small stash with them when they traveled, in case they found a particularly delicious club somewhere, or even just a particularly delicious sub somewhere, ready for the taking.
Spike smirked to himself. Little had he known he'd be the sub ready for the taking when he'd packed that stuff. He'd dreamed about this day, true, but he'd honestly never thought it would happen. He'd resigned himself long ago to having to live with only memories of Angel's touch, Angel's domination. Now he had the real thing and it was all Spike could do to keep from coming just at the thought.
A short time later, Angel walked in, striding over to Spike and stopping about a foot away. Spike kept his eyes lowered, although he did see some of the various leather restraints and toys Angel had brought in with him. His cock jumped.
"Impressive stash, boy," Angel commented, tossing the items on the bed.
Spike smiled, finally looking up and meeting Angel's eyes. "Learned from the best, didn't I?"
Angel smiled in return, reaching out a hand to Spike's cheek and cupping it. Spike closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, half convinced this was all an intensely erotic, intensely vivid dream. If it was, he wanted to stay lost in it forever.
Angel's hand left his cheek, his fingers drifting over Spike's lips. "Still able to deepthroat?"
Spike opened his eyes and met Angel's as he swallowed hard and nodded. "Yes, Angel."
"Show me."
Spike reached for Angel, intending to hold his hips while he sucked him, but Angel shook his head. "No. Keep your hands behind your back."
Spike clasped his hands behind him again and opened his mouth, leaning forward. Angel stepped closer at the same time, and then Spike had a mouth full of Angel's cock. He moaned around it and sucked it down to the root immediately, groaning at the feel of it against the back of his throat. Angel cursed and Spike swallowed around it, then released it and ran his tongue up the underside. He flicked the tip before sucking Angel back down. Angel's hand came up to the back of his head and then he was holding Spike still while he fucked his mouth, sinking balls deep with every thrust. Spike struggled to keep up, swallowing and relaxing, taking breaths whenever he could catch them as Angel used him.
Then suddenly Angel's cock and hand were gone and Spike listed forward for a second before righting himself, a whimper bubbling up in his throat.
Voice husky with desire, Angel said, "Get on the bed, face down, pillow under your hips."
Spike got to his feet and hurried to comply while Angel grabbed a set of bed restrains from the pile he'd brought in with him. The restraints were attached to strips of leather that crossed the bed width-wise at the top and bottom, then attached to each of the legs of the bed. When Angel had them in place, Spike moved his wrists and ankles into position without having to be told. He moaned and pressed his leaking cock into the pillow under him as Angel secured his limbs, leaving him spread-eagled and at his mercy.
A hand ran down his spine slowly and Spike arched up into it.
The hand paused and Angel said, "Lie still."
Spike immediately relaxed, letting his body sink into the bed, even as he bit his bottom lip, fighting the need to respond to Angel's touch.
The hand resumed and Spike dropped his forehead to the mattress, fists clenching as it slid down over his backside, rubbing and kneading the globes of his arse.
When a finger worked its way between his cheeks and rubbed over his pucker, Spike's legs and arms tensed and he groaned with the need to push up against the finger to get it inside him. Somehow he resisted, just.
"How long's it been since you've been fucked? Either with a cock or a toy."
Spike swallowed and admitted, "About four years."
What he didn't say was that the reason was because it had never felt quite right putting something in himself or letting anyone inside him that way. Every time he'd been penetrated by a Dom, even the female Domme that had pegged him a few times, the first thought that had run through his head had been that his arse belonged to Angel and they had no business being there. Maybe he'd tell him later, maybe he'd keep it to himself. Somehow, though, he had a feeling Angel would suss out the reason sooner or later, if he hadn't already.
"Christ," Angel said, pressing his dry finger against the tight ring of muscle, making Spike's breath hitch.
Angel removed his hand and Spike heard him rummaging through the things he'd brought in with him. A lid snicked open. Spike was pretty sure Angel wasn't going to shag him already, which meant he was going to stuff a plug in him. Knowing the only plug he'd brought with was a rather large one he'd just bought, something his arse wasn't used to at all anymore, Spike tensed. He reminded himself that he could trust Angel, that he wouldn't do anything that would hurt him…at least, not without a bit of pleasure to go along with it.
Still, he jumped a little when he felt a hand pull on one cheek, exposing his arsehole as something cool and wet pressed against it. The hand pulling on his cheek released it, but the pressure stayed.
The now free hand moved up to rub circles over his lower back as Angel said, "It's just my fingers. We'll work up to the plug."
Spike nodded and forced himself to relax, groaning as a finger slipped inside him, slicking him and stretching him. A short while and two fingers later, Spike was trembling with the need to move, the need to fuck himself on the fingers thrusting in and out of him at a maddeningly slow pace.
Unable to take the torture anymore, he begged, "Please, Angel. N-need you."
Angel leaned down and kissed the back of his by now sweating neck, murmuring, "You've got me, boy. I'm never letting you go again."
It wasn't what Spike had meant, they both knew that, but it was so much more. Overwhelmed, Spike took a deep, shaky breath and squeezed his eyes shut, feeling tears well up behind his lids. He would not start blubbering like a nancy, he told himself over and over until he got his emotions somewhat under control.
Spike knew what Angel had just told him wasn't just a promise, especially given Angel's admission earlier that he was still obsessed with him. If Spike was honest with himself, though, he'd have to admit that the fact that Angel had more or less just staked his claim on him called out to Spike's submissive side and made him want to be with Angel even more. It was a dangerous situation, Spike supposed, at least from an outsider's point of view, but the simple fact was that Spike reveled in Angel's obsession with him. He needed it. He craved it, craved Angel. Suddenly, Spike realized what he should have known all along. It wasn't just Angel who was obsessed with him, he was just as obsessed with Angel.
Finally, he said, "Yes, Angel." His voice was shaky, but Angel didn't comment on it, or the fact that it had taken so long for him to answer.
Angel's fingers withdrew from him, and then something cool and blunt was pressing against him and Spike bore down, knowing it was the plug. He groaned as it stretched him, Angel pulling one cheek aside again to watch it and fucking hell, Spike had forgotten this part, had forgotten how Angel loved to stretch him so slowly Spike was sure he would go insane before it stopped. True to form, Angel only allowed the plug in centimeter by centimeter, pausing to stop and let Spike feel the stretch every so often, until by the time the widest part of it was breeching him, Spike was panting, fists clenching and unclenching rhythmically, muscles jerking and twitching as he fought to keep still. Angel twisted the plug and Spike cried out and then suddenly Angel let go and Spike's body sucked the plug in the rest of the way.
"Soddin'…." Spike said, trailing off as he panted for air, so hard he could have pounded nails by that point.
"Alright?" Angel asked, hand once again at the base of his back, rubbing circles.
Was it alright? It was fucking brilliant, was what it was. For the first time in four years, he had something inside him, and for the first time in five years, it felt right that it was there. "More than," Spike replied.
He got a squeeze and a pat on his arse for the answer, and then Angel stepped away, once again going through the quickly dwindling pile of supplies. Spike looked over his shoulder in time to see Angel lift an inch and a half wide leather collar with D-rings in front, back, and to either side, in the air and look over at him.
"Have you used this on anyone?"
"No," Spike said, tilting his head slightly so he could look up at Angel's face. "Just bought it in LA when I was there for a book signing. Saw it in the shop and couldn't resist. Sounds odd, I know, but something about it called out to me. Had to have it even though I don't really use those on my subs."
Angel nodded and started over with it. "Good. It's yours to wear from now on. Whenever we're at home, I expect it to be around your neck, understand?"
Spike tensed, heart speeding up as Angel slipped it around his throat and fastened it in place, adjusting it so it fit snugly. Home. Just like that, Angel expected him to move back to the 'States, and apparently in with him. A warm thrill shot through Spike. He wanted that too. As much as he loved England, he missed the 'States too, and his friends here. He had mates over there, but none he felt as close to as Xander and Lindsey. And Angel was here.
Spike swallowed, feeling the collar against his Adam's apple. The rest of what Angel had just told him sunk in then and his eyes widened. "This mean--"
Angel leaned in, grasping Spike's chin in his hand as he kissed him, cutting him off. "It means you're mine. And yes, you will be collared, but not right now. I want to pick out something you can wear all the time, even in public. Maybe a silver chain. Do you want that? Do you want this, with me? You can still back out, Spike."
Spike didn't even hesitate. He nodded as much as he could at the angle his head was tilted at. "Yes, Angel. Want it very much."
Angel smiled. "Good."
Releasing Spike's chin, Angel ran a hand down Spike's back again and Spike dropped his head to the mattress once more, eyes closed as Angel explored his body, running his hands over every inch of his back, arse and legs.
"Fuck I've missed you, missed this with you."
Taking a deep breath to steady himself, Spike said, voice shaking with emotion, "Missed you too, Angel. So much."
Suddenly a sharp pain shot through his backside and Spike reared up, crying out. Twisting around, he looked down to find Angel's teeth in his left cheek, biting him hard enough to hurt a whole fucking lot, but not enough to break skin. Bleedin' hell. It was the hottest thing Spike had witnessed or had done to him in…forever.
Finally, Angel released him and studied his handiwork, appearing pleased. Reaching down, he fingered the bite and said casually, "I want to mark you with a tattoo. Maybe an A, maybe something like what I have on my back, but smaller, to fit your ass. We'll talk about body modifications tomorrow, but just think about it, okay?"
His eyes lifted from Spike's arse to meet his gaze, and Spike, not trusting himself to speak just then, nodded furiously instead. He didn't need to think about it. He loved the idea.
With a sharp smack to Spike's backside, directly over the bite mark, Angel said, "Let's get you on your back. I want to see your face when I fuck you tonight."
Spike waited impatiently for the restraints to be released, then hurriedly flipped on his back, leaving the pillow under his backside at Angel's instruction, forcing his hips to cant up. Angel fastened his wrists back into place, but left his ankles free, instead choosing to use a set of thigh to calf restraints to lock his legs into a bent position. Once done, Angel shoved Spike's legs up to his chest and told him to keep them there. Spike moaned. How he had gone five years without this man, without submitting to him, Spike had no idea. He just knew he'd never have to go another day without him again and that suited him just fine.
Spike watched, anticipation thrumming through him as Angel climbed onto the end of the bed and up over him. For a second, time froze as they stared at each other, and then Angel lowered his head and captured Spike's mouth with his. Spike opened readily and moaned around Angel's tongue as it thrust into his mouth, claiming it the way he was about to claim his body.
When Angel pulled away, he asked, "Will you make it through being fucked without coming before you're allowed?"
Spike bit his bottom lip and shook his head, admitting, "Don't think so, no."
Angel nodded. "Good thing you had a cock ring in your stash, then."
Angel sat back on his heals, reached off to one side and grabbed the ring. Spike groaned as Angel secured it around the base of his cock and balls. He hadn't had one of these on in nearly as long as he hadn't been fucked.
Spike waited to see what Angel would do to him next. He hoped he'd shag him boneless now, but knew it wasn't to be yet when Angel's hands reached up and pinched his nipples, hard. Spike arched and moaned, the pleasure-pain of it shooting through him. Angel twisted and Spike cried out, gasping for breath as Angel held on, keeping the pain constant. Spike felt his cock swell, hardening further, no relief in sight due to the ring preventing any of the blood from flowing back out.
After half a minute of the sweet, sweet torture, Spike began to writhe and pant, begging, "Please, Angel. Please. Oh fuck."
He didn’t even know what he was pleading for. Part of him needed more, part of him needed it to stop. It was exactly what he loved about being Angel's sub so much. He had absolutely no say in the matter, no matter how much he begged. He was Angel's to do with as he wanted, so he didn't need to know what he was pleading for.
Finally, Angel released his nipples and fresh pain shot through them as blood rushed into abused flesh. Spike fell back on the bed, still panting, so hard his cock hurt, even as it leaked precome.
As if reading his mind, Angel reached down and ran a finger up the underside. Spike's cock jumped, as if chasing after Angel's finger to get it to stay longer. "This hurt yet?"
"Yes, Angel," Spike answered breathlessly.
Angel looked at him and said, "Good," just before leaning down and swallowing him whole.
Spike threw back his head and cried out, his voice cracking as Angel started sucking him hard, deep and fast. Spike shuddered and trembled and moaned as Angel worked his cock expertly with lips and teeth and tongue. When Angel urged his legs open wider, Spike obliged and was rewarded by a hand at his plug, twisting and pulling on it, forcing it partway out before shoving it back in. Spike jerked and cursed, once again begging, and once again not entirely sure what he was begging for. Angel moaned around him, then suddenly reared up over him, releasing Spike's cock with a wet pop. A hand fisted Spike's hair at the top of his head, yanking his head back slightly, and he found himself staring into pupils blown wide, as he was sure his were too.
"Next time, I'll take my time with you, make your body sing so sweetly you're sure you're going to break, but right now…."
When he trailed off, Spike asked, voice heavy with need, "Right now what?"
The hand tightened in Spike's hair and Spike groaned. Staring down at him, Angel said through clenched teeth, "It's been five years, boy. If I don't get my cock in you right fucking now, I'm going to go insane."
Spike closed his eyes, soaking up the all consuming need pouring off Angel in waves. He shivered and opened his eyes again. "Please."
Angel reached past Spike to the condom and lube he'd set on the nightstand at some point. Sitting back up, he prepared himself, then grabbed the base of Spike's plug and pulled. Spike moaned as it slid out of him, only feeling empty for a second or two before Angel's cock was at his stretched arsehole, pushing in. It felt like…heaven, Spike decided, being filled with Angel. It felt like home, like belonging, like everything Spike had ever wanted. His eyes watered and he squeezed them shut. Angel leaned over him, bracing his hands on either side of Spike's up-stretched arms.
Angel kissed the corners of his eyes and said softly, as if talking to a skittish kitten, "Shh, my boy. It's okay. I know. We belong like this. Always remember that."
Keeping his eyes closed, Spike nodded and croaked out, "I will."
Angel scattered several more kisses over his face before pushing back up and pressing his hands down on the backs of Spike's thighs, just below the cuffs circling them. Spike opened his eyes and stared up at Angel as the pressure, combined with the restraints holding his calves to his thighs, rendered him immobile. Angel began fucking into him then, hard and fast, his cock punching Spike's prostate with nearly every thrust.
Spike writhed as much as he could, bound as he was, and moaned, babbled pleas and thank you's and exclamations of 'God yes!' falling from his lips like a prayer, like a litany to his god, and that was exactly what Angel was to him in that moment and what he had been since that first text over five years ago. Spike just hadn't realized it until now.
And then suddenly he was floating, losing himself to the sensations washing through him, to the submission, to Angel. He hadn't felt this since that summer so many years ago, no one else ever even bringing him close. But he was more than close now. He was in it, in subspace, and it was because of Angel. His eyes slid closed and he was vaguely aware of Angel releasing his cock ring and telling him to come, and was there even a choice?
Spike's eyes flew open and he screamed as his body flew apart at the seams. He could feel Angel pounding into him, whispering to him, telling him how beautiful he was, how treasured and Spike tried to respond, tried to tell him he was too, but his voice wouldn't work, and then his eyes weren't working because everything was fading to black, lost on a wave of pleasure that kept rising until it engulfed him whole and he sank into oblivion, Angel's groan of completion echoing in his ears.
Sometime later, Spike floated back to reality with a moan. He felt hung over, immediately recognizing the aftermath of the endorphin and adrenaline cocktail his body had released inside him, even though it had been so long since the last time he'd experienced it.
"Fucking hell," he croaked out, realizing belatedly his head was lying on firm flesh which he assumed was Angel's chest.
A finger idly drew patterns over his back and Spike further realized he was half on top of Angel, one leg thrown over Angel's, his chest pressed to Angel's stomach and side.
Angel chuckled, the sound reverberating under Spike's ear, further confirming his suspicion that his head was lying on Angel's chest, even though he had yet to open his eyes. "Welcome back."
Spike lifted a hand to his head and rubbed at his forehead and temples. "How long was I out?"
Movement that felt like a shrug jostled Spike's head briefly. "About a half hour or so."
Spike groaned. "Bloody hell. Fuck that was amazing, luv. Haven't got lost like that since before…with you."
The finger drawing patterns on his back paused for a second before continuing. "You haven't?"
Spike lifted his head, finally opening his eyes. "No, not even close. You're the only one who can get me there. Never trusted anyone enough. Never loved anyone else enough, or at all. Only you."
Angel's breath caught in his chest, and then a hand was at the back of Spike's head, pulling him up until his mouth hovered over Angel's. For a second they stayed that way, Spike staring down into Angel's face, Angel not pressing, but not letting go either, clearly leaving it up to Spike to kiss him or not. Spike hesitated only a second before lowering his head to Angel's and pressing their mouths together. For only the second time in their relationship, Spike took control, running his tongue over Angel's lips until Angel parted them and let him in. Spike moaned and thrust into Angel's mouth, reveling in the role reversal, even if it wasn't what he wanted most of the time from him.
The role reversal only lasted a minute or so before things went back to normal as Angel flipped Spike on his back and pressed his wrists into the mattress on either side of his head, taking over the kiss, taking over Spike. Angel released his mouth and began trailing bites and kisses down over his jaw and neck, heading toward his chest, and Spike remembered something he'd forgot, something he'd put out of his head because that last day with Angel had been too painful to think about.
"Angel?"
Angel looked up from where he was hovering over Spike's nipple, most probably getting ready to bite it. "Hmm?"
Spike smirked. "Never did get my reward."
Angel's forehead scrunched in confusion for a moment, before smoothing out as he stared at him intently. "The way I remember it, you got too nervous."
Spike licked his lips. "I was eighteen and in the deep end without a life jacket, luv. The thought of topping the man who was my god was a bit daunting."
Angel's body tensed. "Your…. That's how you saw me?"
Spike nodded slowly. "See. That's how I see you, still. Not the only one who's been obsessed all this time. I just didn't recognize it for what it was until tonight, when you told me you were never letting me go again."
Angel leaned up over him and took Spike's mouth in a deep kiss, only releasing him when air became a necessity. Staring down at him, Angel asked, "So you were too nervous then, but you're not now?"
Spike shook his head. "Got five years and a fair amount of experience under my belt now. The thought of having at you for a change…. Bloody hell, Angel." Angel tensed slightly and Spike saw a flash of nervousness in his eyes, suddenly remembering he'd noticed it back then, too, and hurried to reassure him, "Don't want it often, mind. I'm happy with things this way. Need it this way, actually, but once in a while…maybe as a special reward for something? Getting to take control of you for a change would be a bit of alright."
Angel stared at him a minute longer, then smiled. "I think we can work something out. But it's going to have to wait. We've got five years to make up for."
Spike smiled back, anticipation fluttering in his stomach. "Got all the time in the world now, don't we?"
"Yeah," Angel replied, his smile widening, "we do."
~Finis
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