Subspace
toobusy2write
NC-17 Angel/Spike, Spike/others
Days after Spike turns eighteen, he gets sucked into a whole new world by a mysterious man, but is it one he's ready for?
Warnings for: 18yo Spike in a BDSM relationship with an older man
beta'd by thatotherperv
See Disclaimer of Ownership here
Minutes later, Angel rolled off him and they laid side by side, Spike still cuffed to the bed.
After a time, Spike said, "I need to tell you what happened last night."
Angel rolled toward him and reached past Spike, grabbing the key to the cuffs off the nightstand. Silently, he unlocked Spike, then set the cuffs and the key aside before rolling back onto his back next to him.
Spike lowered his arms and rubbed his wrists. They were raw and abraded from the bite of the metal while he'd been writhing in his bonds. In that moment, he developed a new appreciation for the padded leather cuffs Angel used on him at the condo.
Angel broke the silence. "You don’t have to. As far as I'm concerned, we can forget last night ever happened."
Taking a deep breath, Spike turned on his side to face Angel and said, "Still want to tell you, since we both know you're going to look at that tape and I'd rather this not rear its ugly head later, yeah?"
"Go ahead," Angel said after a moment.
Spike gathered his courage and admitted, "Faith mouthed my cock through my jeans and Lindsey and I almost kissed before I realized I was in love with you and pulled away. If you need to--"
"Wait, what?" Angel asked.
Spike frowned and asked, "What, what? The part about Faith or Lindsey? Because Faith did that all on her own and I pushed her off as soon as I figured out what she was about, I swear. And Lindsey, my only excuse is that we were high and drunk again and I forgot myself for a minute and nearly kissed him before I regained my senses."
"No, not that, although we'll get back to that. The other part. The part where you love me."
Spike felt heat creep up his face. He hadn't meant to admit that just then, but obviously he had. "Said, I almost kissed Lindsey, but pulled away when I realized I was in love with you."
Angel turned onto his side and stared into Spike's eyes for a long moment. Spike forced himself to hold Angel's gaze, even though he felt raw and exposed, having admitted to such deep feelings.
Softly, Angel asked, "You're sure?"
"Yes," Spike said with conviction. "Going to punish me?"
Angel's brow crinkled in obvious confusion. "For falling in love with me?"
Spike shook his head. "No. For what happened last night."
Angel's features smoothed out and he shook his head. "There's nothing to punish. You didn't kiss Lindsey and as for the Faith thing…as long as you pushed her off right away, you didn't do anything wrong there, either."
Spike's belly tightened at the fact that Angel obviously wasn't going to follow up his declaration with one of his own.
Angel's eyes dropped to Spike's neck and he lifted a hand, running it over where he'd choked him. "You're getting a bruise."
Spike swallowed. "Yeah?"
Angel met his eyes again. "Yeah. It's going to be a bitch to cover up."
Spike studied him for a minute, a slow smile curving his lips. "Pleased with yourself, aren't you?"
Angel smiled back. "You could say that." His expression sobered. "Did you like it?"
Spike felt a flash of heat shoot through him at the memory. "Like doesn't adequately cover it, luv."
Angel looked pleased for a moment, but then his hand left Spike's neck, his fingers skimming over Spike's upper arm. "I'm sorry about that."
Spike glanced down at the arm Angel was indicating and the finger-shaped bruises forming there and shook his head. "Don't be. You warned me you were too angry to talk, but I didn't want to listen. Hell, I bloody well egged you on."
"Still," Angel started.
Spike lifted a hand and put his fingers over Angel's lips, silencing him. "Still nothing, pet. 'M not traumatized. In case you haven't figured it out yet, rough turns me on, and that was just a bit of rough. Stop kicking yourself for it."
Angel studied his face for a moment and must have seen the honesty of the statement there. Either that or he just wanted the discussion to be over as much as Spike did because he brushed Spike's fingers away and leaned in, fusing his mouth to Spike's. Spike kissed him back, moaning softly as Angel pulled him flush against him and cupped his arse.
It was then, back turned to the door, Angel's hand resting possessively on Spike's naked, bruised arse, that there was a quick knock before the door opened with no further warning, giving Angel and Spike no time to pull away from each other or cover up.
"Dad, just wanted to let you know…." Lindsey said, then trailed off.
Spike's head whipped around, his eyes meeting Lindsey's wide ones. Spike froze, not sure who was more shocked, him or Lindsey, and then Lindsey's eyes landed on his upper back and backside in turn, specifically the purpleish bruises there if the look in his eyes was any indication. His face twisted in betrayal and disgust and he all but flew at Angel, who jumped off the opposite side of the bed, holding a pillow in front of him as he warned Lindsey to back off.
Eyes wide as his worst nightmare came true, Spike wrapped a sheet around his waist and stood on the side closest to Lindsey, cursing silently for forgetting to lock the door when he'd come in. "Lindsey, stop."
Lindsey looked at him, his eyes immediately flying to Spike's bruised neck, then upper arms. "What did he do to you? Did he--" Lindsey broke off and swallowed hard. "Did he rape--"
"Did I…." Angel interrupted, one fist balled at his side, the other bunched in the blanket he'd hurriedly traded the pillow in for. The expression on his face, however, was hurt. Hurt that someone he obviously loved would think he was capable of that. "I'd never--"
"No!" Spike said loudly, cutting Angel off, trying to take the anger permeating the room down a notch before someone said or did something they couldn't take back. Waiting until Lindsey looked at him, Spike vigorously shook his head. "Wasn't like that. Everything was consensual. Like it always is."
"Like it…. I thought you were with a guy named Angel…."
Spike saw the second Lindsey put it all together by the devastated look that crossed his face. "No. Not my dad. Fuck, Spike. That's…. My God. After we…and then you and him…. Jesus Christ."
Spike looked away, hardly able to stand the look on Lindsey's face. His eyes met Angel's, and he could tell Angel didn't know what to do or say any more than he did to make this alright between all of them. Spike wasn't sure there was a way to make it alright. Still, he had to try.
Clearing his throat, he asked, "Can I talk to Lindsey for a minute? Alone?"
Angel looked like he wanted to argue, but instead nodded and said, "I'll be right outside the door."
He quickly grabbed his kit and then the door clicked shut behind him. Suddenly finding himself alone with Lindsey, Spike realized he didn't know where to start. He jumped when Lindsey stepped close and touched his neck.
"Did my dad…. Did he do this to you?"
Spike hesitated, then said, "I asked him to."
Lindsey pointed to the finger-shaped bruises on Spike's arms. "And those?"
Spike bit his bottom lip, then shrugged. "We get rough sometimes, Linds."
Lindsey's jaw clenched. "Rough is slamming the headboard into the wall because of how hard and fast you're fucking. Rough is pulling each other's hair and tearing each other's clothes because you're in a hurry to get naked." Lindsey grabbed Spike's arm just below the bruises and turned him around, yanking down the blanket to expose his bruised arse. "This is abuse, Spike." Spike pulled away and yanked the sheet back up, turning to face Lindsey again, only to have Lindsey grab one of Spike's wrists and hold it up between them, forcing Spike to look at the abraded, nearly bleeding skin from the cuffs. "He's abusing you."
Spike stiffened and yanked his arm back, breaking Lindsey's hold. "No, he's not. Should think you'd know he's not abusive, having grown up with him. I told you what kind of relationship we have. I'm his sub. Bruises happen."
"First, I thought I knew him. But then, I never thought he'd do one of my best friends, so joke's on me. I don't know him at all. And second, bruises on your neck? What did he do? Strangle you?" Lindsey asked incredulously, dropping Spike's hand.
Spike looked away and Lindsey cursed. "Jesus Christ. He did, didn't he?"
Spike's stomach was in his throat as he met Lindsey's eyes again. "I wanted it."
"Bullshit," Lindsey shot back.
Spike swallowed. "I did. Had to talk him into it, in fact."
Lindsey went completely still. "Why?"
Spike shrugged. "Does it matter? Lots of people get off on breathplay."
"People die from it," Lindsey threw back.
A flash of anger surged up in Spike at the fact that Lindsey was forcing him to explain all this to him. Pointing at his neck, Spike said, "This? Just happened not ten minutes ago. As you can see, I'm not having problems breathing and my voice isn't even hoarse. Angel was careful. He always is."
Lindsey looked at Spike like he didn't even know him. "And what happened to your back and ass was careful? What's he done? Brainwashed you somehow?"
Spike took a deep breath, trying to find a way to explain to him something you just couldn't explain to someone who wasn't into it. "No. This is who I am, Lindsey, what I want. I tried to explain that to you before." Spike paused, then added, "Look. I'm still the Spike you know, but I've just…got this other side to me that's separate and I need it. I've never felt so good in my life. It's like I told you last night. Never felt the way I feel about him with anyone else."
Lindsey studied him for a moment and must have seen the truth of it in Spike's eyes because he let out a long breath and sat down on the bed. Spike sat next to him and waited.
"What did he do to your back?"
Spike swallowed, knowing how it was going to sound. "He flogged me and it was the single best experience I've had in my life, bar none."
"I…don’t even know how to respond to that," Lindsey said honestly.
Spike shrugged. "No need. I don't expect you to get it. I'd just be happy if you could find a way to accept it."
"How long has this been going on?" Lindsey asked after a moment.
Spike shrugged. "Three months or so? Only known who he was for the past month and a half, though."
"What?"
Spike took a deep breath and laid the story out for him, at least, as much as he was willing to. After, Lindsey sat there looking shell-shocked. "I can't believe you've kept this from me all this time."
"You know why I did. When I found out that day…. I had every intention of ending things with him. I just…couldn't. But I was scared to tell you, too. I don't want to lose your friendship, Lindsey, and with how things have been changing between us over the last few months -- not to mention that he's your dad -- I was afraid I would."
Lindsey scrubbed a hand over his face and stood. "I…fuck. Darla's waiting in the living room for me. I have to get back out there."
Spike watched him walk toward the door, and with his stomach sinking at the sudden distance that seemed to be between them, asked, "Are we alright?"
Lindsey paused with his hand on the doorknob and said without looking back, "I don't know. Just give me some time, okay?"
Spike swallowed the lump in his throat. "Okay."
After Lindsey left, pointedly ignoring Angel as he walked past him, Angel stepped back into the room and closed the door. "It didn't go well?"
Feeling like he'd just lost his best friend, which he probably had, Spike shook his head, not trusting himself to speak right then.
Angel walked over and sat down next to him. Tentatively, he reached out and squeezed Spike's shoulder. "I'm sorry. This is my fault. I'll talk to him."
Spike shook his head again and took a deep breath, willing his voice not to waver as he said, "No. Said he needs time. Just…. We need to give him that. Can't be easy, finding your best friend in bed with your dad…especially considering the bruises and such."
"It's more than that and I think you know it," Angel said softly but firmly.
Spike looked up and met Angel's eyes. "What?"
Angel studied him for a second, then said, "Come on. You're telling me you haven't noticed he's interested in you?"
Spike stiffened. "No he's not. What we did was just about being high and drunk and stupid. Not about…." Spike trailed off as a lot of things clicked into place and he realized with sudden clarity that Angel was right. "Fucking hell," he said, feeling even worse.
The hand on his shoulder moved up to the back of his head and Angel leaned in, kissing Spike's forehead. After, he rested his forehead against Spike's and said quietly, "If you want to end this a few weeks early, try to salvage your friendship with Lindsey before you go to London, I'll...understand."
Spike closed his eyes, his heart skipping a beat as he asked, "Do you?"
Angel shook his head against Spike's. "No."
Spike opened his eyes and pulled back slightly to look into Angel's. "Me either."
"Even if it costs you your friendship with Lindsey?"
"It won't come to that," Spike said firmly, even as a twinge of uncertainty crept up inside him. Angel's hand tightened at the back of Spike's head in response and Spike asked, "What about you? Could cost you your son, Angel. Sure you don't want to end this now?"
Angel closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then opened them and said, "I don't think I could. I'm…too wrapped up in you, Spike. What I feel for you…it goes beyond love. I think you know that."
Spike sucked in a sharp breath, seeing the truth of that in Angel's eyes. It scared the hell out of him and thrilled him all at once. Angel leaned in and kissed him, hot and possessive, and Spike felt overwhelmed with conflicting emotions. He knew this thing with Angel was too much, too soon, knew he was over his head in a big way, knew there were aspects to it that weren't necessarily healthy -- and he wasn't talking about the BDSM since ironically that was most probably the healthiest part of their relationship -- but he couldn't seem to stop it, didn't know if he honestly wanted to.
Breaking away from the kiss, Spike stood, holding the sheet to him as he gathered his kit. "'M sorry. I just…. This. Us. It's too much," Spike tried to explain as he beat a hasty retreat toward Angel's bathroom. Stepping inside, he closed the door behind him, leaning against it and squeezing his eyes shut against the image of Angel sitting on the bed, watching him, hurt etched on his face.
Five minutes later, Spike emerged from the bathroom, fully dressed and somewhat over his mini freak-out, only to find the bed straightened up and Angel nowhere to be seen. Feeling sick to his stomach, Spike turned and walked out of the room. He started down the hall, hoping to at least find Angel in the kitchen so he could apologize, but Angel wasn't there, either. Turning back to the hall, he started toward the front door, his insides twisting at the sounds of voices -- Lindsey's and Darla's -- coming from the living room…the living room he had to walk by in full view of to leave the penthouse. He couldn't deal with Lindsey just then, didn't have it in him. He felt like his world was crashing in around him and all he wanted to do was get back home, back to his room so he could curl up on his bed and shut out the world for a year or three.
Forcing himself not to break stride, he crossed the opening between the hall and the foyer, but stopped in his tracks when Darla exclaimed in surprise, "Spike! I didn't know you were here."
Spike turned and looked at her smiling face, forcing a smile on his own. "Just leaving. Have…some things to do."
"Come on. Stay. Xander and Oz and the others are on their way over. We were going to go out clubbing."
Spike's eyes shifted from Darla to Lindsey, who held his gaze, looking guilty. "That a fact?"
Voice cool, Lindsey said, "Yeah. Sorry I didn't let you know. I just figured you'd be…busy."
Spike tensed. "No worries. Not much in the mood for clubbing at the moment anyway. Dad's waiting for me at home."
Seeing not only his relationship with Angel slipping away from him, but his friendship with Lindsey as well, and possibly the rest of his mates if Lindsey had any say in it, Spike turned and walked out, nothing left to say.
go back to the last chapter
go back to the story’s index
Browse more fiction
Enjoy this fic?
Leave the author a comment on Livejournal
or
email them at toobusy2write@yahoo.com
Plagiarizing fanfiction or reposting without permission is bad. No, really.