Closer
felisblanco
NC-17 Liam/Will
Will is a lonely club-goer looking to make a connection…but an encounter with a dominating stranger might turn out to be more than he bargained for.
Warnings for: This fic is dark. It deals with the topic of questionable consensuality and date rape. It seeks to deal with the complexity of emotions involved in such a scenario realistically, and may be upsetting to some readers. Additionally, there are D/s overtones and some daddy!kink.
See Disclaimer of Ownership here
Notes: The song is Closer by Nine Inch Nails.
He’d been sitting nervously on the bed waiting for twenty minutes, a rapidly emptying bottle in his hand, when the doorbell rang. Taking the last swig he kicked the empty bottle under the bed, clutched the laptop under his arm and grabbed the over-night bag. When he opened the door the big dark form hidden in the shadows made him step back.
“Sorry. I’ll… The car is around the corner. I couldn’t get any parking here. Lots of cars, you know. Many people that live here. Or work. Or just, you know, park.” Liam stopped, realising he was babbling. “That’s all you’ve got?” He pointed to the bag.
“That’s all I need.”
“Right. Right. Just one night. Or, you know, two.” At Will’s startled look he added, “Got to get back again somehow. Don’t wanna get stuck in Scotland, right? Too… Scottish.” He coughed.
Despite his face being veiled by the dark Will could tell he was blushing. And somehow he couldn’t help the small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. Only for a second but it was enough to startle him. He wasn’t going to like this man. It didn’t matter how he behaved now, he was still… Breathe, breathe.
“Here we are. At my car that is. You want to ride in the back?” To be as far away from me as possible was what he meant.
Will hesitated but then shook his head. “I get carsick.”
Liam nodded. “Not much for travelling at all, are you? Not that there’s anything wrong with that. And, you know, if you need to…” He made a hurling motion with his hand. “… then just holler and I’ll pull over.”
Will glared at him indignantly. “Only get carsick when I ride in the back, all right? And I actually like driving. Not that it’s any of your business.”
He opened the door to the passenger seat, flung his bag in the back and sat down with the laptop between his legs. Liam was still blabbering on as he went around the car and got in. “… but anytime you wanna stop just…”
Will cut him off. “Can we get going? I want this over with as quickly as possible.” He could feel heat radiating from the man sitting too close to him. An involuntary shiver ran through him. He turned away in denial, staring out into the darkness.
“Of course. Absolutely. No problem.” The car started with a wroom and after fighting with the gears Liam finally managed to put them right and off they went.
Making it out of London took over an hour. The usual heavy traffic wasn’t helped by an accident on St. Johns Wood. By the time they were out on M1 Will’s head was aching. Tired he closed his eyes.
Three hours later a sharp swing startled him awake. The blaring honk of a lorry was being swallowed by the dark and Liam was staring at the road in shock. Will, rubbed his eyes. “What happened?”
“What?” Liam looked at him, then the road, then back at him and at the road again, eyes wide. “I think I fell asleep.”
“What!?!”
“I was driving and it was dark and then suddenly I was teaching my puppy how to sit. And then he barked and barked and I realised it wasn’t a bark and I opened my eyes and these fucking bright lights were heading right at us.” His voice shook. “It’s all right. It didn’t hit us.”
Will glared at him. “Well, obviously. Or we be dead, wouldn’t we? You fucking fell asleep at the wheel? What the bloody hell is wrong with you?”
“I’m tired, all right! I haven’t slept in two days because I was in America and I flew over here and was trying to minimize the jet lag by not sleeping until it was actually night and then suddenly I have to drive all the fucking way to fucking Glasgow so stop fucking yelling at me!” Liam was still staring at the road ahead, breathing heavily, white knuckles gripping the wheel.
“Ok, ok. Calm down. You need sleep, right? I’d drive except I shouldn’t and well, I haven’t been sleeping well either. And I’m probably still drunk.” He rubbed his eyes again. “Motel?”
“Ok. We’re more than half the way anyway so…”
“Good. Look, there it says two miles to the nearest B&B. It’s only 11 so it should still be open.”
They drove in silence. As they pulled into the parking lot Will reached back for his bag, accidentally bumping his shoulder into Liam’s arm as he straightened up again. He looked up to find Liam’s face inches from his own. He froze. The longer they stared the darker Liam’s eyes became and Will felt his heartbeat quicken. Something in his stomach fluttered.
Liam blinked. The spell broke and Will shied away.
“Only getting my wallet from the glove department.” Liam waved it apologetically but Will was already out of the car, walking swiftly toward the lit entrance. The woman behind the desk was watching the telly, a cigarette in one hand, a drink in the other. She smiled at Will but then she spotted Liam trailing in behind him and frowned. “Only got one room, lads.” Then she smirked and winked. “Not that you’d mind I guess.”
Will glared at her. “You guessed wrong. How far to the next stop?”
She sipped her drink. “Well, there’s Birdie’s place a few miles away but I just got of the phone with her, we’re old schoolmates you know, and she’s all full. Next one is…” She frowned “... ‘bout an hour from here. If you drive fast.” She looked up at them. “You don’t look like you could last another hour. Fall asleep at the wheel, did you, luv?” She chuckled when Liam looked up startled. “Not the first one to come in here late at night with that look on your face. Just be glad you woke up. Some never do.”
“All right, all right. He’ll take the room. I’ll sleep in the car.”
Will turned to the door but Liam grabbed his arm then let go of it like it burned him. “Sorry. I just… You can’t sleep in the car. It’s fucking freezing outside. I’ll find you all frozen dead in the morning.”
“I’ll take the blanket from the room. I’ll be all right.”
“No. If anyone’s sleeping in the car it should be me. After all I’m the one…” He didn’t finish.
“You’re not dragging my blanket out into your car.” The high-pitched voice made them turn. Yawning she stubbed out her fag. “The room’s got a double bed. You sleep on one side, he on the other.”
Will glared at her, then turned back to Liam. “I’ll sleep in the chair…”
“The room doesn’t have a chair.” She was watching them with great amusement.
He rolled his eyes. “All right, I’ll sleep on the fucking floor then.”
“Linoleum floor. No rug.” She grinned.
“Jesus! Just give us the keys, woman.”
She dangled them from her nicotine stained fingers and he snatched them angrily away from her. Liam followed him meekly up the stairs. Will’s hands were trembling as he fumbled with the lock but finally they got inside. The carpet was stained and the light flickered. The bedding was clean though and the bathroom smelled of chloride. The bed was huge. She probably threw rose petals on it and called the room the Bridal Suite when needed.
“Don’t even think about sleeping naked.” Will threw his bag on the right side of the bed. Liam opened his mouth then closed it again. He waited patiently as Will closed the bathroom door behind him, still standing in the same spot when he emerged five minutes later in boxers and a t-shirt, smelling of Colgate. Will was already under the heavy duvet lying on his side on the edge of the bed, eyes closed tight when Liam came out of the bathroom.
When he flipped the switch the bulb went pop. Will froze as the old fear crept in on him. Shit. A few tries confirmed it was dead. Liam tried the small bedside lamp but it was dead as well. Sighing he turned to the door to inform their lovely landlady when Will said, “Leave it.”
“What?”
Liam turned to him, quizzically, and Will tugged the duvet tighter to his chest. You can do this, stop being such a girl, you ponce. “Just… pull away the curtains and go to sleep, all right?” He lay still as Liam walked around the bed and pulled the curtains aside to allow the faint streetlight to shine in. His heart quickened as the bed dipped and the single duvet was tugged at. Then they lay in complete silence. He was actually drifting off to sleep when Liam’s subdued voice startled him.
“About what happened…”
He stiffened. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I know, it’s just… I’m really sorry. It won’t happen again.”
Incredulous he turned. “You’re too bloody right it won’t! You’re not getting near my arse. You’re not getting near my anything!”
“But I…”
“No! I don’t know what you think happened in the parking lot just now. I’m tired and pissed and I haven’t had a single date since… Just stay the fuck away from me, all right?” He turned his back to Liam again.
The silence was deafening. Then Liam coughed. “I was talking about me falling asleep at the wheel.”
Will blinked. “Oh.”
“But you’re right about it all. I wouldn’t dream off…” He paused. “What happened in the parking lot?”
Will closed his eyes and sighed. “Nothing. Go to sleep.”
“Oh, ok. Good night.”
Will didn’t answer.
He was in the middle of a familiar nightmare involving blood and crying when he woke up to someone shaking him. Panicking he flailed around, hitting the intruder again and again. Then he realised where and with whom he was and stilled. Liam was groaning beside him.
“Sorry.”
“’S awrighd.”
The voice was nasal and Will grimaced. “I hit your nose?”
“Yeah. Dod woddy aboud id.” Liam got up and went into the bathroom. The bright light when turned on hurt Will’s eyes. He swallowed, still shaky from the nightmare.
“You just startled me, that’s all. I didn’t mean to…”
“Mby faud. The ndightmbe.” Liam let go of his nose, wiped it a few more times then flushed the bloody toilet paper. When he came back in the light made him look huge in the bathroom doorway and Will shrank involuntarily back.
“Look, it’s all right. I’ll go…” Liam stopped, knowing there was nowhere he could go. He bowed his head, guilt written upon his face.
“If you went, which you can’t anyway, I’d still have nightmares. But if you’re here you can wake me up before they get too bad.”
Liam bit his lip. “They get worse?”
“Yes.”
Liam flipped the light off then walked over to his side of the bed and sat down heavily. “God, I’m so very sorry. I had no idea…”
“Forget it.”
“No, I can’t. It’s all my fault.”
“No.” Will paused. When he continued his voice was trembling. “It’s not all your fault. I told you, I could have stopped you and…” He closed his eyes in shame. “I’ve had worse, all right? A long time ago. You just sort of brought that all back.”
“Oh.” Liam glanced over at him. “How long ago?”
“About fifteen years.”
“But you’re only…” Liam drew in a sharp breath. “Oh shit. Oh God. I’m so sorry.” Will felt him shift beside him and for a moment he though he might be reaching out for him but the touch never came. He wasn’t sure how that made him feel. “Who was it?”
“Daddy dearest.” The sarcasm fell flat, and he squeezed his eyes tighter trying to blot out the terrified voice in his head. ‘Please, daddy! Please!’ He could hear Liam hitch his breath and his face flushed red with shame. “He was very drunk and high on speed so it went far beyond the usual petting and licking. I nearly bled out. Woke up in the hospital a day later and he was gone. My mum never forgave me. I never understood why cos I didn’t remember what had happened, I’d suppressed it all, locked it away in some dark room in my mind. Then you came…”
He opened his eyes, blinking at Liam’s dark form that was shadowed by the yellow streetlight. “The night after… what happened, I woke up screaming from this horrible nightmare and then I realised it wasn’t a dream, they were memories coming back.” He closed his eyes again. “And it doesn’t matter how much I drink they refuse to go away.” Why on God’s green earth was he telling him this?
“Jesus.” The voice shivered. “Oh God. I’m so very sorry.”
Will shook his head, irritated. “Will you stop saying that! You’re like a bloody broken record.”
“I’m so…” Liam paused. “I don’ know what to say.”
“Don’t say anything. Go back to sleep.” Will turned over on his side, facing the wall. He lay still, listening to Liam slide under the duvet. Their breathing echoed in the dark room.
“I have no story.” Liam’s voice sounded hesitant. “Not that you want to hear it if I did. I don’t know why I am like that. Why I like it so… hard. I wasn’t bullied, I wasn’t abused. I just… like it. I haven’t though, since…”
“Oh well, good for you.” Will felt Liam flinch but despite what he’d said about who to blame he wanted to hurt him back. After all he couldn’t very well beat up his dad. Didn’t even know if he was still alive. “Cutting back on the rape addiction. That’s just great. Have they got a patch for that?”
Liam didn’t answer. Will bit back the guilt and continued. “Maybe you should take it slower? Don’t want withdrawal symptoms. You could work your way down to teenage boys then small girls and…” The sound of quiet sobbing shut him up. Fuck.
“Sorry. I’m sorry. It’s been a long day and a fucking long night and…” The sobbing stopped but he could feel the body beside him shaking. He felt awful. Rolling over he put a hand hesitantly on Liam’s tense back. “I didn’t mean it, ok? Just my fucking big mouth going off again.”
“I just… I can’t believe I did that. I didn’t… I never realised what a fucking bastard I am.”
He sounded lost but he didn’t pull away and Will let his hand rest on his shoulder. He suddenly felt the urge to let it glide down the tense arm and put his arm around his waist or even slide his hand further down. He held his breath then let it out slowly. “You’re not… You’re not a bastard. Well, maybe you are but not that way. You just…”
“All these times I’ve fucked someone hard, coaxing them into it, making them believe they really want it. Maybe they never did, maybe I really forced them. How many like you have I left in my path?”
Will felt a strange feeling in his stomach. “You’ve done that often?”
“Not the way I treated you. But yeah, I’ve hurt some. Not to brag but I’m not… small. Even for the guys that are into that sort of thing. The whole… violent, rough scene. In the end they always love it but when we start out… it sometimes scares them. So they need… persuasion. I’ve heard too many no’s turn to yes to remember sometimes it truly means no. Not that that’s any excuse.” He sniffled.
Will’s hand tensed on Liam’s shoulder. “Ever hurt anyone badly? Anyone need stitches? Any broken bones?”
“No!” Liam drew in a sharp breath. “Did I...? How badly did I hurt you?”
Will pulled back, suddenly angry. “Physically? You ripped me up pretty badly. I bled for days whenever I had to take a dump. Got constipate cos I was too afraid to go to the loo.” He could feel Liam cringe but he didn’t really care. “What more? Yeah, a bump at the back of my head as well. Felt sick and dizzy so there might have been a concussion but more likely it was because of the booze and the lack of food. Bitemarks on my shoulder, bruises around my throat and various other places, sore throat from all the screaming. But no broken bones and no stitches.” He didn’t mention the psychological or emotional hurt. He didn’t need to.
“God, I’m so sor…” Liam stopped just in time. “If there are any medical bills or, you know, other…”
“Other than the HIV test, no.”
Liam stilled. “I used a condom.”
“Well, I couldn’t really remember if you did or not, having been unconscious half the time. So those were fun three weeks.” He swallowed, remembering the terrifying waiting by the phone. “Don’t worry, I’m clean.”
“Me too.” He paused. “So are you seeing anyone now? Not that it’s any of my business.”
“Not that it is any of your business but no.” ‘No one touches you but me.’ He shivered slightly and rolled over, turning his back at Liam again. “We should really get some sleep.”
They lay still for a while, neither even closing their eyes. When Liam spoke it was in a hesitant whisper.
“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. Not just because I felt guilty for the way I treated you. I’d been watching you for weeks before I made my move that first time. Usually that’s how it ends. One quick hard fuck and I’m gone. I prowl for the guys that have that look in their eyes, the look that tells me they want it hard and they want it now.” Feeling Will tense he added quickly, “But you weren’t like that. I mean yes, you wanted it but it was a lot more than that to my desire. So when you started struggling and I should have stopped or slowed down I only wanted to fuck you harder, faster. That night when I got home all I could think of was you, your smell, the taste of your skin, the feel of your tight arse clenching my cock. How I could feel your heart beating too fast in your chest when you tried to get away. Your whimpers and moans.” He hitched his breath. “Your screams being muffled by my hand.
Will lay frozen, heart pounding in his chest. He was hard as a rock, his erection pressing against his damp boxers. He could feel Lim shift beside him and then the soft puffing of breath against his neck. What was happening?
“I tried to stay away from you because I didn’t like the power you held over me.”
Will wanted to laugh hysterically. Power? He held a power over Liam? Yeah, right.
“Managed it a week then I was back looking for you. Watched you for a fortnight, drinking, dancing, scanning the crowd for someone worthy of your attention.”
Will would have rolled his eyes if he wasn’t so scared. Liam’s breath was burning his skin.
“Then that night I was worried because you’d been so long in the restrooms. So I decided to check up on you. Let’s just say the little lad took me by surprise.”
Will blinked in confusion, then it dawned on him. Oh. The cocksucking kid. He’d forgotten about him.
“I got so angry, I was blinded by jealousy. Who was he to touch you? I wanted to kill him.” He gave a cold laugh at Will’s obvious start. “Don’t worry, I didn’t. Instead I followed you home.”
“I wanted you for myself. To own you. I actually contemplated bringing you home with me like a pet. I’ve never felt like that before. And when you were so obviously turned on by my caveman behaviour I felt so incredibly… powerful. Like I actually did own you and could do anything I wanted to you. So I did.” He shivered and Will clenched his fists.
“Ordering and pushing you around, making you call me sir. Your tongue licking me, your mouth as it closed around me. Mine, all mine. When you passed out I thought at first you were faking. Playing the drama queen. I wasn’t worried about hurting you, I was just annoyed that I had to wait for you to wake up. Although the spanking made more than up for it. You were like a little boy and I was your master.” He sobbed. “God, I’m sick.”
Not as sick as me for getting hard just from listening to you, Will thought. Fuck.
“When you called me da…” His voice broke and Will was shamefully reminded of their previous talk. “When you called me daddy I totally lost it. Not the first time someone’s called me that but hearing you say it… I went berserk. I don’t remember much after that.” He hesitated. “Until you started crying and I realised I’d gone too far. Much, much too far.”
Will opened his mouth but closed it again, too shaken up to talk. Listening to Liam had conjured up images he should hate but instead he was painfully hard and sweat was running down his back. He could hear the voice now so broken growling obscenities in his ear; he could feel the trembling hands when they were strong and digging iron fingers into his hip. When the breathing on his neck became erratic and loud he couldn’t stand it any longer.
He rolled over and before Liam had time to recoil he grabbed him by the neck and pressed their lips together. The shocked resistance soon relented and Liam opened up to let him in. He tasted of salt and fluoride. An uncertain hand touched Will’s hip and he bucked forward, bumping his cotton-clad erection into Liam’s cock that was swelling in his own boxers. The touch made Liam pull back in shock, eyes wide, breath hitching.
“Wha… what are you doing?”
Will fisted his hair and pulled him close again. “I want to get rid off those memories. You fucked them in, I’m fucking them out.”
This time the kiss was deeper, harder and when Liam once again pulled back he was panting heavily. “We can’t… it doesn’t work that way. You don’t want this, you don’t want me.”
“It will if I say so. And if I don’t want you why do I have this?” He rolled them over so he landed on top, grinding his erection against Liam’s, staring into his eyes. “I need a fuck, Liam. You said it yourself, no one touches me but you. So no one has.”
Liam’s eyes widened and he shook his head anxiously. “I didn’t mean…”
“Yes, you did. And if I’m yours then you are also mine.” His determination faltered and he bit his lip, pleading in his eyes. “I need this. Please.”
At the look of pity in Liam’s eyes he suddenly felt anger well up inside him again for his weakness. He pushed off and stood up, then frantically began pacing the small room. “Think you’re the only one that’s been obsessed with what happened? You’ve been haunting me, ruling my life with your absence. Yes, it gave me nightmares but worse than that it gets me so hard I want to cry with disgust for what I am.” He stopped and stared at Liam’s dark form on the bed. “See, you were right. I did want it, I wanted you to take me, own me, possess me. And the fact that it went too far didn’t change that. I still want you, the only difference is that now it sickens me.”
He was breathing heavily with anger, hands knotted into fists by his sides. “Even after all the pain, all the fear all I have to do is look at you and I want you to throw me against a wall and fuck me hard. Drive that fucking big cock of yours into my arse and fuck me until I cry and beg for mercy. That was what you wanted, wasn’t it? For me to crave you like that? Well, you bloody well succeeded. So who’s the bigger pervert, me or you?”
He glared into the darkness, imagining Liam’s eyes watching him with disgust. After a long time of silence he growled in frustration and grabbed his bag, rummaging through it until he came up with the bottle of scotch. With shaking hands he unscrewed it.
“That won’t fix anything.” Liam’s voice sounded strange in the dark. Will froze, the bottle already touching his lips. Then he took a deep swig and turned to stare at Liam.
“Who are you? My da…” He stopped and turned away. “Mind your own bloody business.”
“You said it yourself, drinking doesn’t make them go away. The memories.” Liam paused and Will could almost hear the cogs turning in his head. “You really think…?” He paused again. When he continued his voice was so low Will could hardly hear him. “If you really want to you can… fuck me.”
Will choked on the mouthful of scotch and turned to Liam again. “What?”
“I said, if you want to you can fuck me. If you think it makes you feel better.”
“Feel better?” He laughed coldly. “You offering me a guilt fuck? Give Will a little arse and he’ll forget everything so you can stop feeling so bad? Thanks, but suddenly I’m not in the mood. Wonder why?”
He stalked over to the window and pushed the heavy curtains further aside, the yellow glow from the outside light making his skin glow. He stayed rigid, staring out of the window, slowly sipping the strong liquid until he could hear Liam’s breathing slow down behind him. Then he slowly walked over and slipped under the duvet again, careful not to think about the heat radiating from the body so dangerously close to his.
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