Note: so ummmmmmmm. the other day killerweasel posted the new picture of chris off myspace, and after steph put up with my twenty minute long bouncing off the fucking walls rambling babble of jensen/chris kink and all the dirty things I could make them do, she was like, just write it already. so then I sat down and. what came out was. PG long-distance friendly shit-talking.

"Who's your hairdresser, pretty boy?"

The line crackles and Jensen grins, imagining the face Chris will pull when his voice makes its way across the Pacific. It's four in the morning in Sydney and Jensen can't sleep.

Good thing MySpace has afforded a little sadistic entertainment.

When Chris's voice relays back, it's warm. "Ackles. I have no idea what you're talking about. And also, bite me."

Normally he'd let it slide, but "Dude, you've got layers."

"My hair grows like that. I'm naturally photogenic."

"I know how your hair grows, you unruly motherfucker, and that is not it. You look like somebody came at you with a bottle of Bedhead."

"Not near as bad as the time you got mauled by a kimono and a tube of liquid eyeliner."

"All I'm saying is, that's the last time you give me shit about my moisturizer."

"Son, I will give you shit until the day I die. And this is totally different. It's for a part."

"Sorry, I didn't realize the Donners were so well groomed."

"The record label—"

"Look at you, big man with a record label."

"The record label—" Chris continues, pissy, "has. Suggestions and stuff. It's no big deal."

"Are they gonna burn those fugly bandanas? Because I might have to meet your new keeper and shake his hand."

"Fuck no. They better not. Those are my signature."

"Well your signature says 'I don't look in a mirror too often'."

"Ass."

"I love you too, pun'kin. Listen, my flight back arrives at like…asscrack in the morning on Wednesday. Gonna be there to pick me up?"

"Well when you put it like that…."

"Thanks, man."

"Go get some sleep, you ugly bastard."

"Hey, Chris?"

"Mm?"

"I'm real proud of you, man."

There's a long delay, and Jensen starts to wonder if they got disconnected.

"Some day they're gonna locate your balls on the set of Days and we'll reattach em, I swear."

Jensen's laughing when he hangs up.